I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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