Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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