is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
