i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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