I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize