I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Houston, we have a blender
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
