you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
