OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
