Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
