Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
