Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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