and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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