He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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