doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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