she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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