i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
His nipple licking is glorious
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