Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You pole danced in your parka.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
