so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize