____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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