the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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