I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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