We're facebook friends in real life
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
