you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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