I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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