I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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