i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Randomize
