your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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