remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
