dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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