My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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