$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
