What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
