I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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