New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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