I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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