man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
