Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
