Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize