I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
