i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
