he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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