ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I pour the whiskey from now on
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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