i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
