Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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