gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
