Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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