My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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