I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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