Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
