just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
