Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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