I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
