soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
