I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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