i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
