I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
