It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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