butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
