i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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