i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i dont even know how to be here
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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