Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
