i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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