I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I pour the whiskey from now on
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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