just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
