I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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