Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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