apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
