Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
