made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
