I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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