i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I want to fling myself into the sun
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
