dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
