My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
