Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Do you remember whose house we're in?
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