Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
