my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
