I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize