So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
